yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
