I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
