I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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