Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
