She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
