I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
