I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize