Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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