i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
