The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Randomize