did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
