Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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