Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
