New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
