Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
