you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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