Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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