You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
