i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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