i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
