Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
