I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
