This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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