So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
