i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
