JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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