You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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