You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
