A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
