She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
