He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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