i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
