Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just had sex on a roof
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
