nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize
