The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
