I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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