If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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