He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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