how can u be prego again
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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