I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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