its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
