im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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