Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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