I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
