You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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