I'm passing your future prison.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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