this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
