i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
