So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
