Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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