Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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