No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
