I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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