guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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