I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
