Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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