Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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