I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
