he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
