I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
