what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
