i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
