Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
