Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
