ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
