I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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