i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
