Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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