My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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