I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
