Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize