I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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