There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
