Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
