you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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