Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Don't you send me to vm

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(937): View more from Ohio

don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night

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(802): View more from Vermont

I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time

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(248): View more from Michigan

He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.

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(647): View more from Ontario

The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am

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(770): View more from Georgia

Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.

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