You can't motorboat a personality
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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