New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
