I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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