I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
