Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
