Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
