He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
