I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No subtext here. People are naked.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
