Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
