Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
