the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
