she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize