You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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