Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize