Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
