I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize