the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
