You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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