best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
